Monday, 11 May 2009

A walk on the dark side..........

When I began blogging & sending newsletters I knew with the nature of my work with spirit that it would probably mean publishing some very personal & maybe sometimes "taboo" material.

However, those that know me would describe me as a very open person who loves to talk about how her adventures with spirit, so surely that wouldn't be a problem?
Well. Sharing with faces you know is one thing, sharing with faces you don't is quite another, although, perhaps I have been given the job of publishing these matters so openly because of my open nature. On the other hand, sometimes the nature of my work can be so controversial even I, one of the most open people I know, can be quaking in her boots at the thought of publicising

Nevertheless, in the words of Susan Jeffers. I will "Feel the Fear & do it anyway!"

The last time I felt any an trepidation close to this was when I published the Mary Magdalene material around this time last year. However this on is like a full on earthquake in comparison! Spirit have really upped the stakes!

It all began over a year ago when a couple of very close soul friends met a Turkish woman who acted as an agent between international therapists & centres. The lady asked me if I wanted to work in Turkey & I refused as life was too demanding at that time.

Then a year later, my friends left to apparently permanently work in Turkey. A week after that I received an email from a Turkish Agent asking if I wanted in Turkey. It was her! & it wasn't through my friends. She had come across my flyer completely serendipitously. What were the chances of that?! I thought & took her up on her offer.
Not that I really wanted to go, nor did I believe it would be enjoyable, but because I felt that this was something spirit had lined up for me, some type of learning curve or initiation I had to do.

Before I left I had a dream that I arrived at a building that looked more like a bank than a holistic centre. It was tall & I had to go right up to the top, out of one side you could see the sea, out of the other the city. They showed me to a toilet cubicle & explained that that was my room for the duration of the stay & my belongings had to stay there too, the door wouldn't close.
They then told me I had to start working in the bar & then that I had to smoke. Then they said they couldn't have me as a therapist now that I smoked!

When I arrived in real life I looked up to see a tall city like bank building, I had to go right upto the top to get to the centre. Out of one side you could see the sea, out of the other the city.
They showed me to the smallest room that was so stuck with energy it smelt, there was nowhere secure for my things & the door wouldn't shut.
I was not allowed to openly practice my arts & subsequently was very blocked & uncomfortable, it was a very trying time, nothing was in alignment.
I asked spirit time & time again, why? I wasn't getting an answer. Finally pondering the question myself desperately, having let go of the need for an answer from spirit they speak...

"Yes, Tiffany, why are you here?"

"Because you guys guided me so strongly" I snapped back.

The anger I felt at the answer being answered with a question outweighed the pleasant surprise of an answer...

"But did you want to come? If we guided you to jump under a bus would you?"

This answer aggravated my anger to the point where I wanted spirit to be physical so I could give them a good slap (very spiritual I know!)

When I had calmed, I had to take my hat off to them for taking such drastic measures to get through to me. You see, spirit do take drastic measures to get through to me. Since June when spirit gave me the lottery numbers & I won two tenners instead of 4.5 million, I had been working hard on trust! (see June 08 blog) It seems now I was in danger of trusting blindly & the main lesson wasn't actually trust, but taking the time to slow down enough to give much thought about what is coming through. I promised to slow down & listen.

Funnily enough. I didn't listen to my ipod the whole time I was in Turkey but as soon as I got back I started listening all the time during my travels (which I spend 20hrs a week doing) to my ipod, once again.
They warned me I was listening to my ipod rather than god.
I promised to cut it down, my earphones were crap anyway!
But I ended up buying new earphones & I was pleasantly surprised at the sound so I fell in love with my ipod more! A few days later I lost my earphones & I begged spirit to help me! (Materialistic-I know!) They told me to check the car, where I found them. But they warned me once (warning number 2) again I wasn't listening. I once again promised to listen...

But for now lets rewind back to Turkey, where I had been give a document just before I left. It was a document containing channelled information from aliens called "Morros". I read it with an open mind, but didn't take it on board as I have never felt a strong personal connection with the alien races.

But the next day I am working in the general room at Mysteries which I share with two other Clairvoyants & I overhear one of them ask their client what their name is. The client replies "Morro". Now I am starting to wonder if there is more to this, when my colleague gets tounge-tied & says "mother ship" rather than "mother stuff". I go back to my friend's place after work & tell her about it, she is incredibly excited as she has more of a personal connection to this kind of thing than I do. Her excitement also makes me think maybe I need to take whats going on a bit more seriously, so I disclose to my fiance that night on the phone. He is also connected to this arena more than me, but it is not a connection he wants, so it is like a bomb going off between us.

In the morning I awake to see writing on a tea box saying "love & scandal make for sweeter T" this makes me feel better as he calls me sweet T.
I turn on my ipod & the first thing I hear is "This century has many suprises, time to wake up".
I get on a bus that has an ad plastered all over it saying "Planets-mix them up"
I do a reading for a client who wants to know who this man presence is that she is sensing around her. I describe what I am seeing & she then pulls out a picture & asks me to hold it.
I look at a carbon copy of what I just saw in my mind as beautiful tingles download through me.
She tells me it's Alister Crowley. I am shocked as anytime I have touched any picture or book of his I have had an overwhelming feeling of sickness & darkness & needed to put it down. She tells me she believes its because I have a connection with him I am denying. Of course, I deny it!
I then get a bus back that says "monsters verses aliens- whose gonna save us?!"

I go back to Cornwall for the first time since Turkey. I am so happy to be back. I feel a sense of clarity, gratitude, energy & love for both my life in Cornwall & London.
I wonder if a client who has a strong connection to aliens will come back as I haven't seen them for months.
Sure enough, two days later, they come for a session! So I show them the document, they read out aloud :

"hmm, signed Pen of the Golden Age. Alister Crowley, did you know he used to live not far from here. In fact the room you read in at The Healing Star is the room his grandson used to read in."

I am gobsmacked & try to regain my composure, only to loose it again two hours later when my fiance returns home & says to me:

"Did you know Alister Crowley used to live not far from here?"

I ask him to start at the beginning.
It turns out that at the time I was with my client, my fiance was with his colleague (who is also the contact for putting us in touch with the people whose home we are hiring for our handfasting in August. ) & his colleague blurts out of the blue:

"Did you know that the people you are renting the land from nearly bought Alister Crowley's place in Zennor before buying here?"

People start asking me if I know Anna Crowley, (apparently she used to work at Mysteries) & I start to read for a lot of Alice's.

I decide I need to do some research. I find out that Alister Crowley did indeed live in Zennor which is about 5 miles from where I live now. His time here, perhaps not surprisingly is shadowed in gruesome tales. I find out that he was led to Cornwall by his mistress & illegitimate son "Ataturk". This hits me like a hammer in the head as the name Ataturk was another name I had never come across until the last week or so. This time because in Turkey Ataturk is the modern day hero. Everywhere you look there is homage to Ataturk. Even the airports are called after him & his step-daughter. This Ataturk is worshipped by Turkey for doing much good for them.
Whilst in Turkey, I was doing a meet your spirit guides session for someone & one of their guides came through strong with the name Ataturk. I dismissed it, thinking it was just I had seen the name so much.

I also found out that Alister Crowley had a strong link to aliens, in particular ones called greys & reptilians. These ones are known as the more negative kind.

I decide that I have to go to Zennor to find his house, which I believe I do, in pretty much no time at all seeming Zennor is so tiny. I am then left wondering what I should do. Feeling a strong wondering of why am I there.......

That night my sleep is disturbed by my partner saying something controversial in his sleep, to which I immediately said "what?" which woke him, I then told him what happened, he became very unsettled saying he felt like something mischievous made him say it. We both became aware of a dark presence downstairs & he wanted to go down to investigate. I didn't want him to & my little black cat Mystic jumped on his chest keeping him in bed. We opened our favourite book of meditations for guidance & it said "don't look down on death!" So we stayed where we were, but we had a very disturbed night, in our half conscious states I was hearing the funeral toll & my partner was seeing dead spiders which was unnerving as he has a very personal connection to spiders.

That weekend I return to work in London & stay in my friend's Tippee on a balcony in Brixton whilst storms lash Cornwall. I am feeling lucky it's not also happening on the balcony! My friend has the same phone as me which came with a touch screen pen, she lost hers & we were talking about how easily done that would be..The next day I loose it! On the phone I tell my partner who says "at least it wasn't your ipod" (warning number 3) The next day I loose my ipod!

I return to Cornwall after the storm had blown over & see no evidence that it had ever been. The next morning, my partner wakes me to tell me his dream:

"I dreamt there were two planets in the sky & a storm was raging, a car fell out of the sky & there was a dead dinosaur on the ground, a beast tried to eat me & Tom (our other cat) saved me"

I receive a text from a client saying they have to cancel due to the guy that died in ZENNOR at the weekend. I wonder what happened, feeling so shocked. I was there less than a week before wondering what I was to do....

I go into work at St Ives & I see evidence of the storm all around, so many shops flooded & stock lost, our shop was one of them. My colleague tells me that a car blew into the sea at Zennor during the storm & four people were missing. I go white, thinking of my partner's dream.
A lady walks in & starts talking about "The Notebook" which is the first film my fiance & I watched so is special to us. She keeps going on & on about the death scene, how it looks like they got "handfasted" & then just decided to die together, she goes on & on, saying she wants to know how they managed it. I feel unsettled, We are getting handfasted.

When I get home, my partner asks me what I think of his dream, I tell him the news. So he asks me what I think. I say I think his dream was a premonition. That I think the "horizontal rain storm" was a cover up for the other planet to come close, that the planet is linked to the Reptilians (dinosaur) & Alister Crowley (the beast) I am alarmed that the beast was attacking him, & there has been talk & scenes of death so close to us.

We had been sent a package that day, we open it to find a 4 dvd box set. The series is called "Taken" it is about Alien abduction, there are four DVD'S on each of them. There is one person pictured, three of them have men on, one of them a lady. Three men & one lady were involved in the car "accident" in Zennor. Although one man lived & all the others have sadly died as the bodies have been found. Which leaves me wondering if aliens are now more interested in our souls.

I start to feel even more unsettled, everytime synchronicity happens at this level of strength to me it ends in death. The first time it was a friend who committed suicide, the second time an acquaintance went the same way & now four people I didn't even know, yet each time I am guided so strongly & this time was no less. Less than a week ago I was guided there & after completing one step I had a feeling there was more I had to do there but I did not know what.

The my partner unconsciously starts to sing "every night in my dreams I see you that is how I know you go on" this line is from the Titanic song that was played at my daughter's funeral, I have to ask him to stop twice & he still didn't know the exact line he was singing.. (linking back to the dream)
By this time I am getting very upset & he prays to god for a sign to let me know all is good. We go for a walk & as soon as we step outside we are presented with the most beautiful strong double rainbow I have ever seen in my life. I look up & think to myself "its all part of the spectrum & the spectrum makes a very strong beauty" my partner is over the moon & then the lady from where we are getting handfasted (the one who nearly bought Alister Crowley's place) ran past us with a big love heart on her chest...

I start to feel better, but then last week my partner gives up smoking, his health goes down & he starts to feel really agitated, we do a past life & he is taken to a death, & told "he is in the same place, so this time he has to stop it". I spend two hours giving him healing before I leave for London & I feel so exhausted on the journey. I get to my five rhythms dance class & live in hope of having renewed energy once I begin as often happens but I sink lower & feel really upset, sad & angry at whatever has been having what seems like fun & games at my/our expense. Its just not funny.

The Five Rhythms dance is a two hour long free movement meditation, & this one is set in an ancient London Catholic Church, it is quite simply a breathtakingly beautiful & powerful place for this & I start to let my anger & sadness take me over. I get angry at the universe, I let it see what I really think & feel & my dance turns into a type of banishing ritual.
I tell it enough is enough as I swirl around, arms thrashing around, tears burning my eyes & sights of Jesus, stained glass windows & candelabras & incredible stonemasonary surround me.
I fall to the floor & this sadness rises right up from my gut & turns into a real deep cry as it reaches my throat & eyes...
In the circle at the end a girl talks about how sad she feels, she is crying desperately about all the hatred & anger in her country.....TURKEY

I tell my partner this on the phone that night. He laughs & says only I have the balls to tell the universe off! He reminds me once again about having a bit of humility, not getting disturbed & trusting the universe is always right.

The next morning I walk into Kings Cross station & am faced with a huge billboard saying "Sorry for being negative!" I can't even work out whats being advertised. My partner thinks it's hilarious!

My partner has managed to give up smoking & his health was back to normal the next day, all is seeming behind us now.........But even if it isn't, it's just part of the spectrum. Even the most negative souls have a light in their eye........Sometimes we just need to face our deepest darkest fears to know how light, bright & strong we really are.... & after all, we are being light & bright & true to ourselves right now, by having an out & out Tarot wedding/handfasting, which has caused challenges for some family members, we are excavating the taboo, to turn what was once hidden & shrouded in darkness into something exposed into light & love.... Part of me does feel there is some unfinished business, that maybe this exposure will continue, I don't understand it all right now, but I believe one day I will, we all will...

So light & love to every spectrum of your being......................til next time


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